|Guide to: Gross Biology Dissection and Upperclassmen|
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"Guide to: Gross Biology Dissection and Upperclassmen" is a season 2 episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.
Part 1: Gross Biology Dissection
Ned wants to dissect a frog with Moze, but can't since he wants to impress Suzie who hates dissection. Suzie tells Ned to steal the frog from Sweeney's classroom. He passes the frog to Cookie and Gordy and tell them to set it free so he won't get caught by Sweeney. Suzie also ropes Ned into protesting the dissection. Moze gets Claire Sawyer involved and draws up a contract forbidding Ned to interfere with the dissection experiment.
Ned checks in with Cookie and Gordy and find out that they love the frog, made a habitat for it, and are taking it to the movies. They find out that the frog is actually Mr. Sweeney's pet and Ned makes them return it, but they lose it. They track it back to the cafeteria but are kicked out by the Lunch Lady. They don't see the frog escape the cafeteria and believe it gets blended into the creamed spinach in the lunchroom. They try to stop everyone from eating the creamed spinach, but are relieved when they find the frog, completely unharmed.
At lunch, Cookie tells Ned about virtual dissection, so that he can dissect without killing a frog. This gives Ned an idea, and Mr. Sweeney allows his class the option to do virtual dissection. Suzie is happy about that, Ned tries to kiss her, but she stops him, since she's still going out with Loomer. Mr. Sweeney later released the class frog out into the wild, but then when everybody thought it got run over by a school bus, the Cafeteria Lady comes and says it was just creamed spinach.
- Tip#574.73GH - Virtual dissection is available online.
- Tip#177.6372 - Don't make fun of squeamish kids, you could be next.
- Tip#306.728FFD - A note can get you out of dissection.
Part 2: Upperclassmen
Jock Goldman, an eighth grader, bullies the lowerclassmen and begins flirting with Moze. Ned has to show an insane 5th grader, Palmer Noid, around school. Palmer breaks into people's lockers with a crowbar and goes through everyone's things. Cookie has a crush on a girl in his eighth grade math class, Vanessa, but he pretends he's in eighth grade so he can ask her to the eighth grade dance.
Cookie is able to find out the combination to one of the eighth grade lockers. Unfortunately, the locker he picks is full of stuffed bunnies, but he says they're for Vanessa. Jock talks to Moze at her locker and tells her he broke up with his girlfriend, Amy Cassidy. Palmer steals Jock's wallet. As Mr. Sweeney passes by, Ned tells Palmer he's evil, so Palmer follows Mr. Sweeney into the classroom and takes his pants right off his body.
Ned discovers that classical music soothes Palmer so he carries a boombox around with him. Moze asks Ned what he thinks of Jock, and Ned shows all the pictures of Jock's ex in his wallet. Moze just thinks he forgot to take them out. Jock invites Moze to sit with him at lunch. Then, the batteries on the boombox die and Palmer starts throwing food in the cafeteria. Palmer tells Ned that his parents want to send him to private school, but now he considers him and Ned friends, and wants to come to Polk. Ned tries to convince him otherwise, especially because the eighth graders got angry because of Palmer throwing food at them.
Jock gets Moze a giant pink stuffed elephant called Mr. Pinkie. He tells her to meet him by his locker after class, and to bring Mr. Pinkie with her. Moze thinks he's going to ask her to the eighth grade dance. Ned gives Palmer tips on avoiding eighth graders but Palmer not only ignores them, but manages to evade getting beaten up, leaving Ned to get beaten up by the annoyed eighth graders. Cookie sneaks into an eighth grade classroom through the window so he can walk out of it. He asks Vanessa to the eighth grade dance and she says yes. Then, the girl who locker Cookie pretended to have sees Vanessa with one of her bunnies. Cookie admits the truth, and Vanessa isn't happy that he lied to her. However, Cookie points out that she did say she'd go to the dance with him, so he promises not to lie anymore in exchange for a second chance.
Moze meets up with Jock, who positions her at the corner of the hallway so his ex, Amy, will see them. He asks Moze to the eighth grade dance and Amy comes up angry that he moved on so fast. She said she was planning on making him jealous at the dance so he'd want her back. Jock tells Amy he does want her back, and that Moze means nothing to him, which crushes her. He and Amy get back together. Moze and Ned see Palmer steal Crubbs' hat and pants. Ned decides to use Palmer's powers for good, and has him steal Jock's clothes. Jock is running around school with "Dork Goldman" written on his chest, holding Mr. Pinkie over his... you know.
- Tip#312.7FHSI - Don't get in the way of the 8th Grade Privilege.
- Tip#322.75A - Walk with friends in dangerous places.
- Tip#335.8F6 - Be aware of Upperclassmen traditions.
- "Upperclassmen" marks the first appearance of Jock Goldman and Mike Grudzielanek
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