"Guide to: Teachers and Detention" is the third episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.
Part 1: Detention
Cookie shows Ned and Moze a paper airplane he designed himself, one that will take flight at the slightest breeze. Mr. Sweeney walks by and warns him not to throw the airplane in class. Just then, Loomer shuts his locker, and the breeze sends the paper airplane flying. Sweeney gives Cookie detention, and Moze and Ned are given detention as well when they try to speak up for him. Moze asks Loomer what detention is like, and he says it's a very bad place because of the eighth-grade bullies. Moze tries to be unconcerned, thinking detention can't be that bad. Then, she and Ned see Coconut Head stumbling around the halls, white as a sheet (even his hair), and find out he was in detention yesterday. Ned is annoyed that they got detention for a harmless paper airplane, but the airplane is still flying around school and evade's Mr. Monroe's attempts to stop it.
At lunch, Lunch Lady reads Ned's peas and knows he got detention. She sees desperation and aviation in his peas. Ned is nervous about detention but Moze is not. They wonder how Cookie's doing, and see him walk into the cafeteria in a velvet tracksuit and bling. He's decided to transform himself into "Polk's #1 Bad Boy." Cookie's "cool" rating has risen since he got detention, so he's chosen to embrace it rather than fight it. He's told everyone how he got detention with a paper airplane. Martin Qwerly shows up and asks for Cookie's autograph, and asks him if he really hang-glided into school and landed on top of Sweeney.
Ned thinks the best way to deal with the psycho eighth-grade bullies is becoming a psycho. He and Moze ask Mr. Chopsaw for advice. He tells them they have to be strong, and tells Ned to stick close to the teacher (and wear a helmet). At 3:15, the school empties, and Ned, Cookie, and Moze head to detention. They see one of Loomer's cronies in a classroom and head inside. Moze instantly takes charge of the room. Mr. Monroe comes in and asks if they're joining the Sewing Club. Loomer's crony pretends to be confused, saying he thought this was detention too, and leaves.
When they walk into detention, Coach Dirga pulls Moze out of the room, needing a "victim." Cookie takes charge and approaches the eighth-grade bullies. One of the bullies asks how he got detention, and he said he threw a paper airplane. The bully rips off Cookie's clip on earring and breaks his glasses. Sweeney is monitoring detention and doesn't want to hear a sound for the next half hour. Ned and Cookie look behind them and see the bullies pounding their fists menacingly. They decide to get on Sweeney's good side. They try to move their desk forward but are told to move back.
Halfway through, Sweeney leaves to make a phone call. Ned tries to stall him while Cookie makes a paperclip chain, attaching one end to their chairs and the other end to Sweeney's pockets. When Sweeney heads out, he drags them with him until he realizes what's going on. Sweeney leaves and the bullies close in on Ned and Cookie. Then, Cookie's paper airplane flies in through the open door and gets one of the bullies in the eye. The bully throws it as Sweeney is walking in, and earns another day of detention. Detention ends and the boys meet up with Moze, who had to clap erasers for half an hour and is covered in chalk and sneezes on the two boys.
- Tip#217 - In detention, the teacher is your best friend.
- Tip#625A - Stay close to the teacher.
- Tip#219 - Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Part 2: Teachers
The episode opens with Ned explaining the different types of teachers. Moze likes her math teacher and likes that she's able to have fun in class. Cookie has dressed up for his foreign language class because of his pretty teacher. In science, Ned gets an F on a quiz. Cookie is too distracted by his teacher to do any work in class and gets an F on a quiz, too. Moze's math class gets a very nervous student teacher, Mr. Dren, for a few weeks, and he gets pelted with random objects by the class. Ned gives Cookie and Moze tips, and decides to become teacher's pet to get better grades in science, something he swore he would never do.
Ned starts kissing up to Sweeney. Cookie is having trouble keeping his eyes on his notebook. In Moze's math class, Loomer shines sunlight off his watch into Mr. Dren's face. Moze uses another student's sunglasses to reflect the light back into Loomer's face. Moze asks Mr. Dren if they could go over the last lesson, but backs down when the other students get mad. Cookie gets another F on a quiz.
The next day, Ned has shown up to school dressed like Sweeney, but still gets an F on a quiz. Moze asks Mr. Dren if he could finish Ms. Morrison's lesson about the Pythagorean Theorem, and the class starts calling her a "student teacher's pet" and throwing spitballs at her. Ned is out of tips and tells his friends they're on their own. Moze tells Ned to just do the work. Cookie decides to transfer into a different class. Moze tries to help Mr. Dren teach, but he finally snaps and orders her to the vice principal's office, while finally getting the class under control. Once they're in the hallway, it's revealed they planned the stunt to get the class to take him seriously. Ned actually follows directions and does the work, receiving a B on his model of a complex molecule.
- Tip#104 - Don't be afraid to raise your hand.
- Tip#112 - Do anything you can to stay awake.
- Tip#125 - Focus on the teaching, not the teacher.
- Tip#611.ii - Keep your eye on your work.
- Tip#338.XU - Don't kiss up, do the work.
- Tip#940.86 - As a last resort, transfer to another class.
- Tip#361.1 T-P - Helping the teacher doesn't make you teacher's pet.
First Appearances (in order of appearance)
Kids in Detention, Miss Enstile, Mr. Combover, Ms. Morrison, Mr. Dren
- Devon Werkheiser as Ned Bigby
- Lindsey Shaw as Moze
- Daniel Curtis Lee as Cookie
- Jim J. Bullock as Mr. Monroe
- Special guest star: Meshach Taylor as Mr. Wright
- Linda Cevallos as Miss Enstile
- Charles Chun as Mr. Dren
- Don Creech as Mr. Sweeney
- Dave Florek as Mr. Chopsaw
- Loni Love as Lunch Lady
- Kim Sava as Coach Joy Dirga
- Rolanda Watts as Ms. Morrison (only appearance)
- Unknown as Mr. Combover
- Tyler Chase as Martin Qwerly
- Matthew "Teo" Olivares as Jerry Crony
- Rob Pinkston as Coconut Head
- Kyle Swann as Billy Loomer
- Students: [to Moze, after she tried to help the Student Teacher] Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet!
- Moze: I am not a teacher's pet.
- Girl sitting behind Moze: She's right. She is a Student teacher's pet.
- Students: Student teacher's pet! Student teacher's pet! Student teacher's pet!
- In some subsequent airings of the "Detention" segment, two different songs are played when Cookie enters the cafeteria as "P Cookie"; one is a score and the other is the 2001 hip-hop song by rap artist Fabolous "Can't Deny It"