|Guide to: The First Day and Lockers|
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"Guide to: The First Day and Lockers" is the first episode of the first season of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, and the second that was produced (after the 2003 "concept" episode). It aired on September 12, 2004.
Part 1: The First Day
The episode introduces Ned Bigby, a boy who's just started the 7th grade at James K. Polk Middle School with his two best friends, Simon Nelson-Cook (aka, "Cookie") and Jennifer Mosely (aka, "Moze"). Ned has also a created a "survival guide" to help him, his friends and other people get through middle school, and when Ned begins his first semester of the year at middle school, he states as to being organized and ready for his first day. Cookie comes to school in a fluffy coat, saying that "chicks dig the fluffy", which Ned and Moze try to convince him to take off. He and Cookie plan to take the same electives so they can have classes together, an idea Moze came up with. However, Moze has changed her mind and decided to take cooking, in order to make more friends who are girls. Ned is upset, since he and Moze have had classes together since first grade.
Ned and Cookie picture their art class without Moze, and envision a bully named Billy Loomer sitting between them and bullying them constantly. Ned tells Cookie to hack into the school's computer system and add them to Moze's cooking class. They try to prevent Moze from finding out before 2:15, so it'll be too late for her to switch out by then. However, Cookie accidentally lets it slip at lunch. Moze is angry that they went behind her back and storms off. Ned and Cookie try to think of another plan to have an elective class with Moze. As they leave the cafeteria, a female student says she likes Cookie's coat.
Ned and Cookie see Moze coming out of a woodshop class, and try to switch them into that, but the class is full. Ned and Cookie talk the woodshop teacher, Mr. Chopsaw, into letting them in his class. Mr. Chopsaw asks them if they really want to be in woodshop, and takes a hammer to his finger, which freaks them out. Mr. Chopsaw laughs and says it's a prosthetic finger. He lets them into his class.
Cookie is starting to suffer wearing his fluffy coat. Moze walks by and Ned asks if they're ready for woodshop. Moze laughs and says she's not taking woodshop because there are no girls in it. Ned says they saw her walk in to sign up, but Moze clarifies she went there to trick them. She says she signed up for a new elective but isn't telling them what it is. Since it's almost 2:15, they have almost no time to change. Ned begs Cookie to find out which elective she's taking and switch them into her class. When he finds it, there's only one spot left, so Ned tells him to transfer a kid out and put them in. Cookie asks for water, but Ned dumps it all over his face, damaging his system a little. Ned and Cookie wind up in Life Science class, and have to act as parents to a baby doll. Their teacher, Mr. Monroe, says Moze's name was taken off the list at the last second, meaning Cookie accidentally transferred her out. Cookie faints in class from his fluffy coat. Moze winds up in woodshop, but accidentally drills a hole through Mr. Chopsaw's hand. Both he and Cookie are hospitalized, and the paramedics cut off Cookie's coat.
- Tip#683.4 - Avoid overstuffing backpack.
- Tip#109A - Get a haircut two weeks early.
- Tip#736M - Avoid a last minute Mom job.
- Tip#685HC - September = Still technically summer
- Tip#685HC (cont) - AVOID HEAVY COATS
- Tip#305F - Stay together with electives.
- Tip#320A - No class is ever full.
- Tip#320B - Get teacher approval.
- Tip#503.B - Be ready for surprises. DON'T PANIC!
- Tip#685HC - Don't wear the fluffy Coat!
Part 2: Lockers
Ned has trouble with his locker, as it's next to Timmy Toot-Toot, a student who frequently farts. This results in the school bullies naming Ned "Fart Boy". Moze has decorated her locker with stereotypical girls stuff, like pictures of male celebrities and boy bands. Ned says she hates that stuff, but she's doing this to attract potential female friends. Suzie Crabgrass has her own fancy locker, complete with boombox. Moze gets competitive and plans to make her locker cooler than Suzie's.
Cookie is assigned "the locker at the edge of the universe", which makes him unable to get to gym class on time. Cookie has to run to gym class, but gets caught by Mr. Sweeney, and he's late to gym again. Coach Dirga threatens to fail him if he shows up to class late again.
The next day, the school is on "weasel alert", and the school janitor, Gordy, is trying to catch it. Suzie still beats Moze when they battle for best locker that day. Ned tries to hang car fresheners on Timmy's belt, but they're no match for the stink: Timmy says "Toot! Toot!", and the fresheners blow into Ned. Ned initiates Plan B, advertise for a new locker location. Cookie begs Ned for tips that will get him to gym on time. Ned tells him to sit close to the door, preset his locker's first two numbers so he can just turn to the last one, get in and get out, and to use the fast walk so he won't technically be running in the halls. But Cookie is still caught by Sweeney.
Moze decorated her locker with lights and mirrors to make it shine, which tops Suzie's locker. Ned says she doesn't care about having the coolest locker. Moze says she just wanted to beat Suzie, and Ned says he thought Moze wanted to make new friends. But, Moze's fancy locker is destroyed by Gordy. Gordy says he has a new locker for Ned, in the janitor's closet and is inhabited by the weasel. Gordy throws Ned out of the closet so he can catch the weasel.
Ned is approached by Claire Sawyer, Future Lawyer, who arranges a locker switch between him and Lisa Zemo. He has Gordy help him with the contract with Claire. Part of the deal is that Cookie has to go on a date with Lisa. Cookie agrees in exchange for Ned's help to get past Sweeney. Gordy sends Cookie in a mop bucket slingshot down the hall, Ned uses Timmy's stink to distract Sweeney. Timmy blasts a fart at Sweeney and Cookie barely makes it to gym on time. Unfortunately, his gym class is playing dodgeball. Moze builds herself a temporary locker door in woodshop, and she ends up befriending some guys in her class. Ned switches lockers with Lisa, but finds that not only the weasel was living in his locker, but he's near Loomer's locker.
- Tip#625A - Sit closest to the door.
- Tip#625A - The Fast Getaway
- Tip#618 B.1 - Avoid post-bell "door jam."
- Tip#608.4 C - The One Turn
- Tip#618D - Use the "fast walk."
- Devon Werkheiser as Ned Bigby
- Lindsey Shaw as Moze
- Daniel Curtis Lee as Cookie
- Jim J. Bullock as Mr. Monroe
- Don Creech as Mr. Sweeney
- Dave Florek as Dusty Chopsaw
- Van Earl Wright as Himself
- Willie Gault as Himself
- Daran Norris as Gordon Davenport
- Kim Sava as Coach Joy Dirga
- Kendre Berry as Backpack Boy
- Brooke Marie Bridges as Claire Sawyer
- Kelii Miyata as Timmy Toot-Toot
- Rob Pinkston as Coconut Head
- Christian Serratos as Suzie Crabgrass
- Rachel Sibner as Lisa Zemo
- Kyle Swann as Billy Loomer
First Appearances (in order of appearance)
The First Day
- Ned Bigby
- Backpack Boy
- Coconut Head
- Billy Loomer
- Chandra Taylor
- Lisa Zemo
- Dusty Chopsaw
- Mr. Monroe
- The Weasel
- Timmy Toot Toot
- Suzie Crabgrass
- Van Earl Wright
- Willie Gault
- Mr. Sweeney
- Coach Joy Dirga
- Gordon Davenport
- Jerry Crony
- Buzz Rodriguez
- Claire Sawyer